A Role Model

There is a girl in my youth group who is a farily new Christian. She's a few years younger than I am and we don't see each other much outside of church, so we don't talk a lot. A few weeks ago at church I was upset about something and she walked into the sanctuary with some of her friends. When she saw me, she left her friends and crossed the room to give me a hug, just because I "looked like" I needed it. Normally, I don't like hugs, but this was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It was so simple, but so selfless. Even though she is kind of new to the whole "Christian" thing, it is easy to see Jesus in the way she goes out of her way to love people. I want to be like that.

Jerry Springer

My best friend from middle school called me today. She was excited because her boyfriend is going to be on the Jerry Springer Show. Sigh. These were my friends...I'm not too fond of Kaufman, but nothing is worse than the town I used to live in. I'm so glad I'm out of that place.

A couple of weeks ago I was trying to figure out what I'm going study in college. Someone asked me what it was that I lost track of time doing. Would you believe that I couldn't think of anything? How could there be nothing that I like to do? What am I going to do with myself? I'm pathetic.
Perhaps its better that people don't actually read these...

Let Grace be Adored

As often as I fail
It is Your power that will prevail,
So even when I am ridden with guilt
Let grace be adored.

Others will not understand;
But I find power to go on in Your hands.
So when I am alone in this world
Let grace be adored.

While my heart continuously shatters
I find Your power is all that matters.
So because I am strongest when I am weak
Let grace be adored.

I am hurting now.
I cannot get through by myself.
So even when I am destroyed
Let grace be adored.

The Whole Package

A passage in Psalm 51 says this:

You do not want a sacrifice, or I would give it;
You are not pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit.

David, thousands of years ago, understood the error of simply following tradition. People were expected to give animal sacrifices; that's just how things worked. God was never happy with the sacrifices, though. God was only interested in the one who brought the sacrifice.
Today Christians are expected to get up early every Sunday morning, put on their worn out mask, and go to Sunday School and a worship service. Not that Christian fellowship isn't important, but God is not pleased with our heartless rituals and mindless traditions. He only wants us...the real us, as broken as we may be. God is pleased only when we give ourselves to Him--all pain and heartache included.

And if all God wants is the real us, why should we expect anymore from eachother?

Eww

I stepped on a dead squirrel today. It was really strange and I wasn't quite sure how to react. I was wearing flip flops so I'm sure I have some bizarre disease and I'll be completely deranged in a couple of days time...sigh, oh well. Anhoo, that was pretty much the highlight of my day. I'm so pathetic.
Actually there was something else...but we won't discuss that now. :)
I should go get my rabies shot.

Civilized Numb

I went to a church this morning where the preacher was talking about Jonah. He pointed out that a man in the stomach of a fish isn't so hard to believe for someone who also believes Jesus rose from the dead. Twice he said something along these lines and twice I looked and saw only blank faces in the congregation.
Are we as Christians really at the point where the single most important (and amazing...and perhaps unbelievable) event in history no longer moves us? It seems so many of us have been churched for so long that the resurrection has become just another piece of history--just another story--that has no affect on our emotions. Sure, the amazement of Jesus' life brought us to Him in the first place, but we've lost the wonder of such power.
He died--was murdered. And yet He walked out of His grave. Who knows, maybe our loss of wonder is just another side effect of civilization.

Let Freedom Ring

My chains are gone. I am free from the things that keep me from You. I am free from the lonliness and depression, free from all that hinders me from being extraordinary--free from mediocrity. I am free because of You, because of Your truly amazing grace.

Thank You Capt'n Obvious

from The Round of the Clock

by Frederick B. Needham

"One!" strikes the clock in the belfry tower,

Which but sixty minutes ago

Sounded twelve for the midnight hour.

How Strange are Dreams

One of the worse things about not getting to take my summer classes (yeah, lost the fight) is that I have all this time with absolutely nothing to do with myself. I've yet to make it through a full day and already I've watched hours of sci-fi (bushwhacked left me disturbed for life), two movies, and read quite a chunk of my book. Finishing this, I decided to browse through the home library of books that haven't been touched in ages. There I found a book entitled Very Bad Poetry which is composed of --you guessed it, very bad poetry.
Now I know that the poems you normally find in one's blog are meant to be inspirational or at least to express some sort of emotion. Let me assure you that these authors are also quite serious about their work. The works do indeed move the reader emotionally...usually to laughter, but moving nonetheless. So, with nothing more to say, I give you example one of a very bad poem by the 19th century poet J. Gordon Coogler. Enjoy.

from How Strange are Dreams!

How strange are dreams! I dreamed the other night
A dream that made me tremble,
Not with fear, but with a kind of strange reality;
My supper, though late, consisted of no cheese.

Fight with Reality

I've formulated a plan to graduate high school early. At first I thought I'd just have to take a couple of summer classes--easy enough. It turns out that just to get into these classes my high school counselor (who I can't get an appointment with to save my life) has to sign off on it. What's more is that the classes will last 2 1/2 months as opposed to the preconceived 6 weeks, and I need special permission from my teachers to allow me to take tests online. All of this in addition to the summer assignments for next year's high school classes. To make everything a tad more difficult, my plan to pay for these classes didn't work out as I had hoped.
Registration is on Wednesday. And of course, very few seem to care whether I succeed or not.
I've been so frustrated with all of this that I had decided to just give up on the early graduation. So much work for a plan that will inevitably fail. But then, all dreams are fights against reality aren’t they? The struggle against what is sure to be. To give up would be to lose the fight.
I won't give in so easily. I'll fight no matter how small and silly the dreams may seem. I will fight no matter who is on my side. The fight against reality.

Thanks for patience

So I have this friend who is always coming to me for advice, but she never takes it. I love this girl so much, but man, she makes the DUMBEST decisions. The answers are so obvious to me, but no matter how many times I tell her or in how many different ways, it never makes any difference. She keeps asking for help with the same issues but never listens to the solution.
Makes me appreciate the person who is always giving me the same advice over and over because I wont listen...

My God is Good

Today was hard. In fact, for reasons I've fully yet to understand, it's been a hard year. Through the struggles I've learned this: My own inadequacies on top of all the world's obstacles still cannot surpass Your goodness. You are a God of love...it's been worth the pain to receive that kind of comfort.

Bach

I just finished reading the biography of Johann Sebastian Bach. Turns out he was a pretty cool guy before he got popular. His biggest peeve was the unnecessary rules and regulations within the churches. While serving as the organist in one such church, he was sent a formal letter complaining that his music was too untraditional. It was not the way they had always done it. At this Mr. Bach replied, "The object of all music should be the glory of God." The Church of Anstadt fired him.
Somewhere along the way Bach turned into a terd and seemingly lost sight of what he so proudly claimed was the purpose of music. He continued to grow in talent and popularity. People came from all over the world to see the man who could trill with his thumb and forefinger while simultaneously playing a melody with his pinky and ring finger (yeah, holy cow). I imagine however, that as he gained the world's respect, he lost the respect of those who aimed to glorify God. How sad.

A New Resolve

I peered over the edge
And saw them walking jauntily,
Seemingly without a care in the world.
Their bare feet stepped lightly on the soft grass,
And their hair danced happily in the wind.
They looked healthy and strong.
They were not plagued with worries as I was,
And I envied them.
I envied them because my path
Was steep and tough.
The flowers did not bloom underneath my feet,
And blood matted hair to my scalp.
I was pale and weak.
My bones were broken, skin bruised
Due to the beatings of thieves.
Our pathways ran side by side.
"Look," they called to me,
"Our destination is one.
Surely you see your efforts have come to nothing;
Your work has proved vain."
At this my heart was desolate.
I could not understand why You,
You who are called Shepherd,
Had led me to this place named pain.
So I went to sit alone,
Away from their sight,
Away from their calls,
And I found I was angry with You.
I was angry at the pain You'd led me to.
I was angry at the questions You left unanswered.
But my anger was short lived.
As tears fell into my hands
You alone held me
And promised all would be well.
I became stronger
The longer we embraced
For You welcomed my burdens as Your own.
So now I stand, head held high.
My hand rests comfortably in Yours.
I will follow You along this jagged road
And let You tend to the skinned knees
I obtain along the way.

A Thought

"Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?"

Job 38:12-13

I began to talk to You,
But words were not enough.
I tried to make music for You,
But my skills would not do.
So I sit and write for You.
Once again my talent falls short;
I cannot give You all You deserve.

Yet my heart is ignited
Because you accept what I bring.
Thank You for listening to my words.
Thank You for dancing to my music.
Thank You for loving my heart--
For smiling at my efforts to glorify You.

Redemption

When we were little my brothers and I would buy Hot Wheels cars every chance we got. After a while our collection consisted of about 60 racecars, SUVs, emergency vehicles, tow trucks, etc. (most of which belonged to the other two, but I contributed my few.) The most desired car was a blue racecar that had the Nestle Crunch logo on the side. When we would get the Hot Wheels out to play, the first person to think about it would shout, "I claim the Crunch car!" In our imaginary town the Crunch car always had the biggest garage and was driven the most often. The lucky one with "Mayor Crunch" was proud to have it and usually gloated about his possession as long as we were playing.
Wednesday night the youth started a study in Ephesians. Verse 7 of the first chapter talks about the "redemption" we have because of Jesus' death. I've read this verse several times before, but when we stopped to talk about the meaning of "redemption" the passage took on a whole new meaning. Marvin said it best. He said that to redeem means to reclaim. Not only did I belong to Jesus to begin with, but when sin came into the picture and I went somewhere I shouldn't have been, He claimed me AGAIN. Just like we used to claim that blue car, Christ proudly claims me as His own.
It's interesting how one word you've grown up hearing can still change your life.

Another Ordinary Day

School leaves me way too much time to think about meaningless things. For instance, today I sat in the same Calculus room for TWO HOURS listening to a classmate blast Mr. Zeplin from his iPhone (to which the substitute teacher asks, "Who's Led Zeplin?"). So as I sit in the harsh desk chair I begin to think about the other people in the class and how it seems they are stuck in a constant state of discontentment. Everyone wants happiness, but with it comes the risk of losing whatever it is that makes him happy, and that in itself makes one downcast. In the end only the losers are winners. Funny how that works.

And now for my quote of the day.
As I am walking through the parking lot after school a kid in my 7th period class catches up to me and starts the conversation like this:
Him: I've figured out why you're always so nice to me.
Me: Is that so?
Him: Yes, it's because you think I'm Roman Catholic.

...

Have a nice day.

It appears my heart is human after all,
feeling pain, desperation, despair
because the more you push, the harder I fall.

It's funny how the better things get, the worse they can be. Everyone wants happiness, but with it there is such risk. Only the losers win...because they've got nothing to lose.